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What? I’m going to eat now. See you soon, sweetie. Fucking sweetie she calls me. Fucking soon. I do some dishes and pee and smoke a nervous actresses cigarette on the fire escape then spot an oldish man across the street who I think I may know. But I cannot place him: old actresses teachers, grandfathers, fathers, bus drivers, ticket takers, mechanics, bail bondsmen, criminals; his features swim about but do not attach themselves to a face I can identify. When he slinks behind a dumpster and lowers his pants I actresses decide that I must have been mistaken, I do not in fact know this man, this man shitting on the sidewalk, I do not know him at all. And I go inside and I pout in a terrycloth bathrobe. I will not let her change in my head. It is easier this way. Rather than letting her back in, opening a door I thought was locked for good, I’ll keep her away, she will not play-nice her way back in, no how, I won’t have it. |
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