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| product, jews, reference, thug life, politics, gwyneth paltrow, javadiscussion forum, alice poon, tarot, tupac shakur mp3, randy quaid, punknews, list of themes, bootlegs, creative non fiction, david rees, naacp, picture tupac, generation terrorists, segregation, derek mcgrath, culture, free mp3s, dick cheney, | [Me and Gary Shandling, who will die only seconds after me on 9/15/08, exchange high fives.] But I’m not stupid when I give either. If I don’t have fuck any change or spare ones at the ready, I’m not about to be stand with a homeless person, routing through fuck my wallet, only to eventually say, “Sorry, I don’t have any change.” If money is not at the ready, I’ll get change at a nearby store and then give some to the guy. This wariness was heightened when a few months ago a fuck homeless man in the Lower East Side, right around the corner where I used to live, stabbed a guy my age. So I’m not about to get shanked while I’m standing there looking for a dollar bill. |
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| On March 22, 2001, you lit your roommate’s car on fire because he beat you at Trivial Pursuit. You spent most of April 2004 on a crime spree in Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. You have paid for sex on numerous occasions, three times with free mp3s a man free mp3s – whether or not it was ‘accidental’, as you claim, is free mp3s not important to Me. And you haven’t been to Church regularly since you were 11. So tell me Jason, why should I let you into heaven?” Me: “Well, um, I did give a lot of money to homeless people.” God: [giving me a good look over, conferring with St. Peter, taking a deep breath] “Ok, here’s the deal: 500 years in Purgatory. If you get enough prayers, I’ll knock it down to 400. Take it or leave it.” Me: “We have a deal!” |
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