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| andy ackerman, culture: society, college, hawala, high priestess, tupac download, kastro, sit and spin, dendrie taylor, list of proverbs, ra, | Also note: should you fail to follow this rule do not expect me to laugh with you about how funny you think my panic is. Please laugh at me behind matthew grace my back so I won’t feel the overwhelming urge to smack you upside the head. Rule Five While regurgitating please remember that your vomit smells bad. matthew grace The smell actually gets matthew grace worse the longer you leave it there too. So there is a little shiny handle on the top part of the toilet that you push down and it helps make the bad smell go away. Then feel free to lie on the tile until exactly 6:00AM (after which please refer to rule three). Rule Six Until further notice (and I truly hope there is further notice) I can not afford to foot the bill for anything more than two drinks per stay. One drink at the beginning of your stay (Hello and Welcome to New York!) and one drink at the end of your stay (Thank God- I mean….er… I’ll miss you soooo much). In fact as a matter of consideration please try to lose your spare change in my couch so that I can eat lunch this week. |
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| insurance claim proving that your house burnt down. 3.The birth certificate proving that I once lived in your (or your wife’s) womb for nine months (which is indeed way more than three days) -Or- 4.Photo ID proving that you are Johnny Depp or Viggo Mortenson. Mark Twain once said house guests are like fish- they are culture: society only good for three days. I agree. Rule Three Accept the fact that I culture: society have to work….every day Monday through Friday- no culture: society exceptions. I am not going to use my vacation time to hang out with your sorry ass- I need it for a real vacation you know sand….sun…alcoholic fruit drinks…..H-O-T-E-L. Rule Four Please lock the door when you leave (she typed while crying in frustration)! Oh my God I live in fucking New York people! I am sure that in Montana its precious that you can leave your door wide open but here there are people who want to take my television far far away from me and that can not happen people. |
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