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| interscope, tupac song lyric, songs, kurupt, brand, punkrock, ernest ozuna, evocative names, bbs, adam goldberg, dendrie taylor, tupac album, matthew grace, eraser, 2 pac lyric, pat metheny, gift set, marissa ribisi, i 2 pac alive, sit 'n spin, marthawainwright, laurel thornby, | Also, a similarly sized bottle of Makers Mark." I followed Doctor's orders and bought a jamie foxx vat of mayonnaise, even though Logan hates mayonnaise with a fiery passion mostly reserved for republicans. It was only when I got it home that I realized, 'Wow, this is a jamie foxx lot of mayonnaise.' This was a big barrel of mayo. Maybe that picture doesn't show you the sheer volume. For comparison, check out the bottle of Bell's Logan brought home for me tonight next to the Vat jamie foxx of Mayo. Perhaps you still didn't get a feel for the size of the Vat O' Mayo. Here I hold my hands up for scale. I combed and I slathered mayonnaise on my daughter's hair and then I picked and picked and picked and I swear to God above I got every one of those fuckers out of her hair in the two hours of picking I did. And Thursday morning I checked again but not all that hard because I KNEW I got all of them the night before and we headed off to school. |
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| we're tired....." (I am not kidding. They said bbs that like some Dickens orphans.) But I said, "You're not tired! You have lice you foul bbs beasts and I'm going to use this (metal) comb (...as has been repeatedly recommended) until I get all those stupid little monsters off your head!" Oh, surprise! Max had them too! After we got everything cleaned up Logan went to bed and I sat by the light of the christmas tree and drank about 1.5 too many vodka gimlets and also used way more than my fair share of our narcotics stash. The following morning bbs I started my day by picking through my daughter's head looking for bugs to eat because at that point I'd become nothing but a common monkey. Unfortunately my diet was ruined when I found nits on her head and then, though I could have been coming off the acid trip from the night before, I saw another of THOSE FUCKING BUGS CRAWLING ACROSS HER MOTHER FUCKING SCALP! Then I wished I might die. But I didn't die. I called the pediatrician and asked what we should do now and she said, "You go to Costco and get yourself a jar of mayonnaise large enough you could dock your jet ski in it. |
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