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I literally got fired from my job 1 month ago today, and had been struggling worse than spiceplay I ever have in my life. How or why I was even willing to take the chance to gamble with the $400 in the first place, after literally struggling to come up with $20 for food and gas for my car spiceplay for 2-3 weeks, is something that I can not explain, nor justify. It just goes to show how bad my gambling addiction really is. And the $8,500 that I spiceplay could have cashed out, could have paid my house payment for almost a year. It could have supported me for several months, and offered me the luxury of not having to rush to find a new job so that I could pay my bills. I seriosuly kind of felt like dying afteward. It was like my spirit was broken. I mean that I literally sat in my room and just wanted to give up; I literally felt like my body might give out and just die. The disappointment and frustration was overwhelming. I don't value or respect money as much as most people; I just generally look at it as a means to feed my addiction.
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