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| freplyspang, bloodymother fucking asshole, writing, tolerance, mp3 2 pac, kwanzaa, federal case law, by eric gilliland, comics, dirty t shirts, salons, brand positioning, whitehouse.gov, political, | So tell me Jason, why should I let you into heaven?” Me: “Well, um, I did give a lot of money to homeless people.” God: [giving me a good look over, conferring with St. Peter, taking a deep breath] “Ok, here’s the deal: 500 years in Purgatory. If you get enough prayers, I’ll knock it down to 400. Take it or leave it.” Me: “We have a deal!” [Me and Gary Shandling, who will die only seconds after me on 9/15/08, exchange high rap mp3 z fives.] rap mp3 z But I’m not stupid when I give either. If I don’t have any change rap mp3 z or spare ones at the ready, I’m not about to be stand with a homeless person, routing through my wallet, only to eventually say, “Sorry, I don’t have any change.” |
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| My hope is that when I die on September 15, 2008, I will stand before God at the gates of heaven and He’ll say, God: political “Let’s see here…on January 12, 1998, you punched a dog – in the face AND in his political testicles – over a turkey club. On March 22, 2001, you lit your roommate’s car on fire because he beat you at Trivial Pursuit. political You spent most of April 2004 on a crime spree in Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio. You have paid for sex on numerous occasions, three times with a man – whether or not it was ‘accidental’, as you claim, is not important to Me. And you haven’t been to Church regularly since you were 11. |
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